You are welcome to pray with me, from our spirit and in the Spirit…

Lord, my God, my Lover, my Hope, my Portion, my Ambition, my King.

There is so much I could do in this time, there is so much I can do with this life. So much for you, in the name of the Kingdom, with your banner going from one end to the other. In business, creating success, moving with excellence, to tout the name of God in my motivation and who I do it for. Creating wealth for shareholders, making others better at what they do and blessing their life, gaining access to leaders, to share meaning, value, and purpose. In society, appealing to hearts and minds with what is the truth, what is the way, giving them an option, being an example of the ideal way in the name of Jesus, being you to them and protecting the innocent and being a force for good. In ministry, bringing teachings, countering against the weight of the times, bringing life and light to my beloved brothers & sisters, revealing who they are and what it is that they can see in you, encouraging and inspiring.

I could do all these things, Lord, put my head down, discipline myself with stages and plans, dedicating time to break out teachings and refine my skills, deploy strategies, move within networks. I could because it is for a lasting cause. And I know you would be there, in front of me in it all.

But Lord, it is clear that I don’t just want to accomplish. I want to do it with you. I can’t run ahead of you or outside of you, because it is you that my soul longs for. There is the valid argument to make, that I am at liberty to move however I wish, and you will bless it, because I am your son, and I don’t have to follow you like a slave, because I am not a slave.

And that could be right. That I could have done so much more for you. For them. That I could have done so much more, leaving it all on the table – you know that is the crushing desire of my heart. To bleed it all out, to go out in defiance and war against the limits.

But, Jesus, I can’t. I won’t. This pasture you have brought me to, this green field of peace and love and goodness, where I dwell with you in worship, in peace, in stillness – is where my heart sits. And my spirit can’t last long at all outside of it.

Lead me to the truth if I’m wrong. I trust that you would.

So, I offer before you, my King, my worry and need to do things for you. This angst and drive to craft in your name. My concern with being able to leave it all on the table. My vision of how I’d see it done.

And I ask for you, alone.