It is hard to not notice the feeling like I don’t belong here. Like an observer, looking on, there are happenings and I don’t find any place or part in it. Interests, priorities, value systems, who’s in, who’s out, the whole paradigm is different. It’s not even overt, it’s just the atmosphere. I feel so at odds.

I’m being too harsh – I know plenty of this comes from not feeling included, seen by them, which comes from looking to them to fill that void, that only you can. But it is difficult sometimes when it feels like I am walking in a complete different reality. But honestly, at the root of it, I am in need of being filled.

I am in need of you, Father. I can only be content in you – you fill me up, Lord. And turn it all around and may the joy of your heart bear forth light from my spirit – may it be the light around me. Convert me into a giver, Lord, where you pour forth from me the fullness of all joy and love you shine upon me, upon this place. A bringer of light, a source of peace, a place of rest, you have seasoned me in your likeness and now pour forth your from me to flood this place. Sanctify me in the truth of your heart, that I may be a source of life to those around me. Oh, my God. Be the everything to my need. Fill my cup. Let me run over. I am content in you, alone.